blog / news
this is where I will post about things happening in my life, among other various updates.
reflections on the half-year
[2026/07/01 @ 2:23pm]
hello friends. I thought I might take some time to reflect back upon the first half of this year. it's been a tumultuous one, but one that has
ultimately led to many great things.
☆ I finally managed to escape what was unfortunately the most abusive relationship I've ever been in. a year and a half of love and time and concerted effort squandered on someone so deeply unstable, violent, paranoid, and entirely ungrateful for everything I provided, as to be ultimately undeserving of my affections. it's quite sad to look back on it and struggle to recall even small glimmers of enjoyable moments among the mountains of unpleasant memories. she even managed to bring this violence and rage and hostility to Japan, a place so tranquil that it seems impossible to spoil. but still, she found a way. I tried to tough it out, even after accepting the stubborn permanence of the emotional volatility, in the hopes that at least some of our artistic collaborations may come to fruition. but over time I realized with great sadness that her lack of artistic discipline was not just holding us back, but actively inhibiting any sort of creative endeavor either of us attempted. that was more disheartening than the physical abuse itself. she does contain a vague promise, a keen eye for beauty, and the innate skill to make something of herself. but I don't know if she will ever get there by surrounding herself with disingenuous, talentless hacks or obsessing over social posturing and social media instead of craft and work ethic. I had hoped I might help set her on a better path——inspire her, collaborate with her, teach her basic life skills, provide a little pocket of love and stability——but throughout all of our time together I saw no improvement against the narcissistic self-destruction that had plagued her since long before we met and would eventually become our undoing. it was a bleak realization, but I simply had to free myself from the futility of it all. I wish her only the best, but I am relieved to be putting this dismal saga behind me.
★ I played guitar in Glenn Branca's Symphony #13 (Hallucination City), a piece for 100 guitars and one drummer, at Lincoln Center, last performed in 2001 at the original World Trade Center, mere weeks before its fated destruction. I was invited by my friend, a fellow guitarist/composer, and we were assigned our parts almost at random. I was Alto #2D. the music itself was a surreal culmination of every musical skill and interest I've honed over the years. and the sound was unlike anything I had ever heard: 100 amps cranked to max volume crashing through a massive hall designed to accommodate traditional symphonic ensembles is impossible to approximate anywhere else. the effect is enormous, cacophonous, with these unfathomable harmonic reflections piercing the walls and conjuring unearthly sounds that ripple through human flesh like blades through water. it felt as if we were invoking a demon, a tempest of harsh noise and amorphous rumbling from which sharp, elegant edges would slowly emerge. when practicing my part alone, I couldn't figure out what my purpose was meant to be once dropped into the context of the other 99 parts. yet as we rehearsed together in the days leading up to the concert, I saw the pieces fall together so intricately, like the gears and springs in a wristwatch, that I realized this was truly a work of staggering genius. Branca used this orchestration to summon sounds that have never been heard before on this earth, sounds that he could only previously hear haunting him and taunting him as they rang around in his head. the concert was highly lauded and received a surprising amount of positive press, considering the gritty punk ethos we brought to what is otherwise an indelibly posh establishment. through this performance, I got to meet Lee Ranaldo (Sonic Youth), Geoff Rickley (Thursday), Kyp Malone (TV on the Radio), in addition to the many talented musicians on stage alongside me. many of us have stayed in touch and we're already working on new collaborations, as well as potentially bringing this ensemble to other cities. it was a truly once-in-a-lifetime moment, and I am eternally grateful to have been a part of it.
☆ I began modeling for an incredibly talented painter, and am now the subject of four of his most ambitious paintings yet, which will be part of a larger series to debut at some gallery in Chelsea later this year. they are gritty, somber, despondent works, rife with depraved religious imagery. it has been so nice to be surrounded by artists with genuine ambition and drive, whose discipline carries real results.
★ my book soft city has sold out, and due to an entirely unexpected demand, a second printing is on its way. this book means a lot to me, a reflection on the beauty and purity of my first trip to Japan. and while I am about halfway done working on a follow-up book based on my second trip, it's been more difficult to embrace the transcendent beauty Japan revealed to me while still having to separate it from all of the horrid abuse I suffered at the hands of the woman I was traveling with at the time.
☆ I am working on a ton of new music, what with my newfound freedom. I saw American Football last week and Tortoise the week before, so naturally I have resumed working on my longform experimental twinkly/mathy/post-hardcore band, hakanai. I have about a dozen songs coming together for the next album. I also have an album of ghost park b-sides set to release in the next few months, a collection of old or unrealized ideas from the last few albums that I think are interesting enough to see the light of day. the next real Ghost Park album is also in the works. more songs about nature and zen and dreams I've been having. I will not let emotional turmoil seep into my music; I will not give the demons that satisfaction. and finally, I've assembled a group of incredible musicians to help me bring my spite house project back to the stage. we have been writing new songs as a unit, and perhaps we'll play a show before the year ends.
★ I've played 15+ shows this year, with so many dear friends, in so many bands. one of the highlights was playing a DIY show under a bridge in Jersey City, which drew a nice crowd of random people from the parks and baseball fields nearby. eventually the cops showed up, but we just kept playing. fuck 12. it was very fun. next week, I am playing in two different bands at a day show in a park in Greenpoint. exciting stuff.
☆ I've visited friends in Newport, Providence, Boston, Philadelphia, and upstate New York this spring/summer and it's been such a refreshing change of scenery and characters. it's also nice to be reminded how many people I have in my life who genuinely care about me. I had almost forgotten, what with my last relationship attempting to isolate me from them or to concoct completely needless drama in order to drive us apart and keep me for herself. of course, her attempts were completely ineffective because we could all see right through her tactics, but it's still a relief to find that no lasting damage has been done. I love my friends.
that's all for now. thank you for your time.
——matt ♥
a splinter of divinity
[2025/11/18 @ 12:58pm]
I've just returned from my second month-long trip to Japan. it would be impossible to describe just how lovely it was without some further reflection,
but what a truly gorgeous experience. a wild ride from toe to tip.
the general trajectory was from Tokyo to Kanazawa to Kyoto to Nara to Osaka to Hiroshima to Kyoto again to Hakone and back to Tokyo.
I made many new friends along the way, and they showed me sides of the country that I would never have discovered otherwise.
the people of Japan are so lovely and welcoming.
I am inspired again, digging myself out of the dismal, oppressive, unproductive rut of the last several months caused by the futility of
my sad, inescapable relationship.
but now I am working on many new things,
new songs, a new book. I find myself actually looking forward to the future for once.
Japan and its people have restored a bit of this long-lost hope for humanity that had been beaten out of me
by the brutality of New York City. between the unspoken kindness of strangers, the serenity of its mountain-shrouded temples
and hot springs,
the incomparable food and drink, the dazzling nightlife of its cities, the care and craft put into every aspect of life,
it felt like a truly holy experience. as Dazai once said, "perhaps there is a splinter of divinity in each of us after all."
I will have many more thoughts as they percolate and settle in the chaos of my mind and are eventually refined into
my next literary installment, but for now I will say this: wow Japan is dope.
that's all for now. thank you for your time.
——matt ♥
"end of an era"
[2025/04/08 @ 4:55am]
tsukuyomi is officially done.
I think these are some of the best songs I've ever written. the slowest, the heaviest, the most chaotic, most eclectic.
my usual fare, but with additional elements of psychedelic, jungle, metal, gothic, glitch, noise. it's all there, baby!
it will be out in a week or so.
and I am continuing to work on many new things as well. new books, new music, new art.
there's no time to rest when there's so much to do. that is all. thanks for reading.
goodbye,
——matt ♥
"soaring"
[2025/01/18 @ 4:20pm]
soft city is officially sold out. 100 copies have dispersed themselves across this silly little celestial body.
it's a very surreal feeling.
in other news, my album tsukuyomi is almost done.
I've been working on the finishing touches of these songs, adding new layers and sounds with new pedals and instruments.
I also bought a fancy new vintage microphone and it sounds much better than anything I've used before.
I am mixing and mastering it on a new laptop with new software I've never used before.
many new things. it is a learning process as well as a creative one.
I've been reading a lot but it still doesn't feel like I'm doing enough with my days.
so I've also decided to take a break from intoxicants
to see if that will help lift the perpetual fog and apathy that plagues my inner landscape.
it seems doubtful, but I will persist nonetheless.
I have to make dinner and go to work now.
goodbye,
——matt ♥
"the summer ends"
[2024/10/01 @ 2:37am]
fall's fully in,
and in just under a month since the books arrived on my doorstep from the printing press,
the reception to soft city has been more loving than I could have ever anticipated.
I've sold about 80 of the initial 100 copies to friends, loved ones, even total strangers from my bar and the internet.
people text me that they've been re-reading specific poems, underlining passages, circling strange words — truly and intimately
interacting with my little piece of creation. it's quite a nice feeling.
equally neat is the idea that this book has now made its way to every
corner of the country (20+ states), as well as the UK and Japan.
one of my friends even took it with him on a trip to Paris.
it's so surreal to have disseminated a shard of my brain
to so many beautiful parts of the world simultaneously. my only hope is that people will continue to enjoy it
while I spend yet another five years (ideally less) working on the follow-up.
but for real though, I like to think this is just the beginning of something more enduring;
I am already in talks with a handful of friends about publishing their works as well, and maybe this will become
something more than just "the matt show". I guess we'll see.
anyway, there are still a few copies available right here on
this website, and if you are considering purchasing one, I would act soon because I'm not sure I'll have the energy to
print a second run of them, nor do I like the idea of making the PDF/e-book digitally available.
it is very much a work of text begetting a physical manifestation.
in other news, this means I will now have to resume work on the next
ghost park album, because if I remain
stagnant for too long without feeling productive or creative, my brain will try to annihilate itself. the songs are
essentially done and are roughly mixed, and all songs but one have lyrics written and vocals recorded. I am also
trying to wrangle two of my lady friends to lay some vocals down on these songs, which may take time.
I am doubtful this album will be finished by the end of this year, which bothers me as I do not enjoy when I fail to
meet expectations or deadlines, even if they are ones I set myself. regardless, I think these are some of the coolest
songs I've ever made — very heavy, very dark, very morose — and I look forward to their eventual release into the world.
that's all for now. thank you for your time.
——matt ♥
"an update on soft city"
[2024/08/08 @ 3:45pm]
just moments ago I received a nondescript little parcel from UPS
containing a single unbound proof of my new book.
it is a very special feeling to be holding in my hand
the physical actualization of this years-long project. as if a chapter has closed and a weight has lifted.
I am quite pleased with the quality of the book. it looks beautiful, exactly as I had envisioned.
and now that I have seen and felt the difference in quality between a print-on-demand piece of junk versus
a professionally printed book, I have no qualms about the additional costs incurred
from working with this printing press as opposed to the nightmare that is amazon or B&N or ingramspark.
the full run of books should be at my doorstep within a week and be shipping out shortly
thereafter. not quite in time for my birthday on monday, but close enough that it still feels like a gift,
an accomplishment to close out what felt for once like a moderately pleasant year.
I will probably bring copies of the book to sell in person at the two bars I work at, like a shady
little side hustle. if you know me in real life, feel free to come by and I would be happy to give you one.
other than that, I have little else to report. I hope everyone is doing well.
that's all for now. thank you for your time.
——matt ♥
"a new home"
[2024/07/17 @ 4:04am]
I suppose this unhinged, rambling passage will have to serve as the first entry in my blog.
two days ago, I started teaching myself html and began coding this website.
I'm sure much of it will change with time and a refinement of coding skills,
but for now I am happy with its unpolished charm.
the initial impetus for its creation was to make a host site for
my new book, one that I am in full creative control of.
I don't have much interest in using these increasingly prevalent, increasingly bland prefabricated
websites like squarespace,
wix, etc. that are so devoid of any semblance of character or identity as to be inherently offputting.
I get a headache just from looking at those soft earthtone colors and that one awful font that reeks
of millennial yuppie-ism. you know that one they use in every subway ad to hock some useless product
that costs 5x more than the one from your
local value store because it has ~good graphic design~? I hate it. and it would be a disservice to the
time and thought and effort I put into my book to then host it on a site that lacks time and thought and effort.
at the same time, I would rather be hanged in the town square
than distribute my book through something
as deeply evil as amazon. amazon is a parasitic nightmare and I don't really have the time or energy at this moment
to get into the irreversible damage they've done to the book industry, worker's rights, or human society as a whole,
but even still it just feels fundamentally wrong to "publish" a book this way.
sure, amazon could've printed my book for 1/4 the cost that I got from
my local printer, but even ignoring my disdain for their business practices, I've seen those print-on-demand
books and they look/feel like cheap garbage. I would feel much better from a moral standpoint
(and more justified in my disdain for amazon) if I were to pay a real business with real human employees to
craft something with care, even if it means comparatively breaking the bank.
and it breaks my heart to know that I am in the small minority of writers who hold this belief.
anyway, this revulsion of all the hollow ideals that modernity clings to
somehow led me to neocities, where its freedom from the confines of the ever-depressing modern web
felt almost revolutionary, like I'm in some rebel camp fighting against an authoritarian regime.
deep down I admittedly must have some nostalgic attachment to the lovingly hand-crafted websites
of the early 2000s, and so I have built my website to reflect this aesthetic
while still (hopefully) remaining somewhat usable, navigable, and informative.
that's all for now. thank you for your time.
——matt ♥
